23rd Sep 2021: I Agreed to Sign the Annulment Paper

By Posted on

[07:12]

We did have dinner at Marche yesterday.

It will take some time before I can feel that I am okay.

3 years ago, I signed papers because I loved him.

3 years later, I agreed to sign the papers because I love him.

3 years ago, he cried on our wedding because he loved me.

3 years later, I cried on our anniversary because I love him.

Before we had dinner, I asked him a list of questions that I had in mind in the car. We spent a long time in the carpark with me crying and him being honest to my questions.

Throughout, he kept checking if I was angry with him and saying that he’s a bad person. I gave him sayangs and told him he deserved the sayangs. He said he didn’t because he was a bad person for making me sad.

Even at this critical moment, he left the ball in my court and told me if I decide against signing the papers, he’ll just do his best to “rediscover himself” while with me. He said he’s already made his point, why signing the paper was important, how he could focus on himself better when he didn’t have to feel any obligation and that it was all down to me what I want.

As much as I wanted to be selfish and continue having him as my husband, I saw his pained expression when I told him I would like more time to think about it. His neutral poker face instantly changed to one that that suggest dread. The frustration was clear through his body action, the way he looked away and seemed as though he wanted to pull out all his hair and smash something.

Seeing that, how could I have kept him?

I wish someone else could have heard our convo and advise me on how to sort out all the thoughts I have in my head. But the only clear direction was that if I love this guy and want the best for him, I needed to let him go.

Is that what people mean by if you love someone, let them go?

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