Chairchu's Journey

These days, I just feel like I am never enough. I am never enough to my parents because I'm the daughter who cannot do anything right and still make them worry even at the age of 27. Perhaps life would be better for them if I wasn't around to be a burden? I am never enough to my younger brother because I wasn't there for him in moments he needed me when he was growing up. Perhaps life would be better for him if I continued being absent? I am never enough to my husband who thinks I am hot-headed and is no longer worth his effort or loving, who thinks I did nothing much for him in our time together and wants to be without me. Perhaps life would be better for him if I cease to exist because till death do us apart and he wants to be apart. I was never enough for my first workplace where I was told working hard wasn't enough and that I should work smart. Things look great for them since I left. I am never enough for my current workplace where my lady boss will look for the o...

Was reading back on our old messages. Just a few months ago, you were visiting a friend and we were saying his child is cute. You said we’ll make a baby. Just a few months ago, we were still using cute stickers and you were still coaxing me when I was upset. You were so sweet. It’s so painful watching your love for me slipping away. It’s hard to believe you’re not intentionally hurting me to make me let go. You’re cruel. The fact that you can treat me so cruelly and coldly is hurtful. Then again, I’ve made you go through the same pain. So naturally, I deserve all of these right? What goes around comes around, which is why I’m dealing with that I made you went through. But whatever you made me go through… Perhaps one day you’ll understand how cruel it is. To drop someone from where they were, and watch them fall.